Reservations
First of Let us first start with a definition of this word in the aspect in which we are stating. 1. The act of reserving; a keeping back or withholding. 2. Something that is kept back or withheld. 3. A limiting qualification, condition, or exception: has reservations about the proposal
When I looked this up, I thought about the part where it said the condition of something. Which is in my own opinion the part that most of us addicts/alcoholics have. This made perfect sense to me when I took a little time to look back at some of my reservations that I have had through not only my life up until this point and time but also it made me look to see if I in fact have any reservations today in my life that would keep me from having continuous sobriety.
Such as, "Well if my Sister dies because of her health and leaves me, I might as well get high because she is the one that really made the statement which has helped me to stay clean up until this point. Why would I need to stay clean now if she is dead!" Or, "My children don't spend the time with me that I think that they should be so maybe I should just get high, no reason to stay clean if I can not have them more active in my life." Those things are the things that would be putting a condition on me staying clean. Once I do that I would be in a world of hurt because I know that those things are false even if they would portray to be true in my own head and my own thinking.
One thing is for sure that we need to keep our guard up on those thing that would have us to go back to the active addiction that we come from, no matter what that is classified as. Most addicts also in my opinion have a problem when it comes to the sex issue. Most don't want to talk about it either, however this issue is one in my own experience has caused a great deal of reservations within my sobriety. In my addiction the drugs/alcohol and women came hand in hand. Eventually the only reason that I would use is to have sex. That was one of the pleasures that the active addiction gave to me. I so many times would see someone who I would be attracted to and would end up going to get a bag of dope so I could in fact be more open with them and of course to seduce them into having sex with the dope. Most of the time it didn't work out that way but those are the reservations that I have had to come into grip with for my own clean time
Reservations can be anything and everything. The first thing we need to do is to acknowledge them and to own them as to who or what we are. Once we can do this, and only when we do this are we finally able to break free from them and than the process of recovery begins. Once we do get rid of those reservations or conditions, than and only than can we achieve staying sober Just For Today There is a discussion going on our forums with this topic about Reservations